Life is boring ...seems that the world is getting less interesting; Wonder lost its magic and the monotonous hue of depression sets in. I feel happy nonetheless, for those people I meet who are smiling, or is it just my imagination? <chuckles> Take for example the barbecue guy in the corner on the road where the jeepney passes its regular route. His face is the epitome of what the mysterious King Melchisidec, from Coelho's book, "The Alchemist" referred to as, to paraphrase it, "...knowing your own purpose and reason for living." Or the graceful way a streetsweeper clean with her broom and the smile on a beggar's face shouldn't be regarded as just a smile or probably to lesser extent, a mannerism. But simply that inspite of our own imagined difficulties about them, they could be happier or more fulfilled than any one of us. One's very hefty salary or the capability to go to different places, and other "good things" in between, are not the prime measures of one's own fulfillment and happiness.
In my case, it's as if there's something that I'm missing ...I feel I still don't know myself at all. Could it be Love that I lack? Or potential? Or maybe motivation, and oh, don't forget optimism. Yeah, we somehow know we all lack a bit of something, and the struggle to make life at least bearable (and savor what little happiness we can squeeze from it <sigh!>) is what makes all these worth living for, the least. Hey, have you all ever felt that you just wanna let fly? Let go? Scream? A scream for freedom from the clasps of negativity and "mustn't-haves" (like bad relationships for one), real and imagined. I think all these comes to laying down our own roots and plunge into the deepest corners of our own desperate souls, and maybe, then maybe we can see a crying child--our own little lost self that needs comfort and then maybe, just maybe, we can derive strength out of that weakness...it could be very overwhelming, an none-too-simple concept but I think we all need to see beyond what's seen or reached. I still don't know myself completely. And I think that by doing unexpected things, different things, I can finally see "myself" and confront the person that is "Me".
And I look into the mirror, see myself beyond the eyes, the mousy hair, the lips(eager for a smile but just suppressed it), the moles and freckles on my face and often question myself, "Are you happy? Am I making you happy?"
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